Friendship. Something I've always longed for and yet, seemed to struggle with, my whole life. My first friendship that I remember meaning anything to me was when I was quite young. Her name was Brittany and her parents were close with mine during their college years. The crowning moment of our friendship happened one day when she bit me because I tried to take the coloring book away from her when we were coloring together! Haha. But shortly after, my parents graduated and we moved away from her. I had other friendships: my neighbor, another daughter of my parents close friends, a girl I went to school with, but when I was 9 years old, we again moved away and life changed yet one more time. New friendships needed to be made, but this time in a different culture. You see, when I was 9, we moved across the world! This wasn't a normal, run of the mill, I'll see ya when I'm passing through move, it was serious business! It didn't take long until I made new friends and it didn't take long for another move. Finally, it felt like I got to settle down a little and I became friends with my Lewasuka. We were so close, she lived with me throughout most of high-school. We loved, fought, protected and acted like sisters. She is a sister of my heart. Her daughter is named after me, my son after her. Her children are my parents' adopted grandchildren and their home is "home" to both her and me. She is the hinge on which all my friendships hang. She is the standard they have to live up to. She also lives half the world away from me and we haven't talked in over a year. Talk about friendship problems! You see, another move happened and with it, almost irreparable heartbreak.
I've spent most of my adult life in search of the perfect friend. I've prayed for, begged for, cried for and almost gave up on this desire. Don't feel too sorry for me though, I have my best friend in my husband and my best sister friend too, but I really wanted to find my "girls". You know, the ones that you laugh with, get silly with, get and give advice, talk about everything under the sun with...you know...the girls. For years, I thought this was an elusive concept dreamt up in my head. I thought true friendship was only obtained in high school and left behind. I began to lament that I was too damaged to even open myself up to this desire...because the only women I found myself surrounded by were either backstabbers or going to move away!
Just 4 years ago, my life kind of changed. My husband and I changed pretty much everything significant about our lives and through that change, new people were brought into our lives. I didn't know it then, but some of the people would become so significant to me, they would change my perspective on the world, they would challenge my heart and thoughts, they would become some of the most genuine people I could ever know. Yes, my prayers were answered! But not exactly how I had prayed.
You see, for years, my prayers were selfish. All about me. I wanted....I needed...I, I, I. But these people I have met, they haven't come though me being selfish. They came when I opened myself up. I had to start talking. I had to start sharing and caring. I had to start being friendly and open and honest. I had to ask about them. I had to find out their favorite things. I had to find out about their likes and dislikes. And in return, I get the same! You see, because of true friendship, I've learned how to love and be loved.
They aren't stuck with me. They didn't date me and only see my good side and decide to marry me for better and for worse like my husband....he's stuck with me! I wasn't born into their family, destined to annoy them forever, like my sisters....they're stuck with me, too! No, they can go at anytime. They can write me off and because of that, sadly, I've learned what caring about someone means. So, I'll take this time to apologize to my husband and all other friends I've ever had before...I'm sorry I was selfish. Only looking to get when I should have cared more about giving!
I never knew what friendship was about until I became a true friend. I never knew the joy that could be found in making someone a meal, or packing and unpacking boxes, or picking up a chai tea latte (or caramel macchiato) and leaving it on a doorstep just to brighten someone's gloomy day. I never knew what it felt like to open the door to flowers or banana muffins that brightened my gloomy day either. But it's not just about things...it's about being able to sit in a car for hours, talking, laughing or even crying, about things that really matter....or things that really don't matter! It's about texting someone the mundane parts of your life, just because you know she understands. It's about knowing you can go plop your booty on someone's couch and just talk for hours...and they want you there!! It's about admitting the ugly truth about marriage and parenting and getting a "you too??!!" in response. It's about telling silly stories and planning coffee dates and dreaming of getaways to Miami. It's about telling each other hard truths during difficult times, it's about admitting your sins during Priscilla Shirer bible studies, it's about road trips that turn into therapy sessions that could possibly save your marriage one day.
So, thank you, dear friend. For everything. Thank you for teaching me, accepting me, loving me and making me a better child of God, wife, mommy, sister, daughter and friend. You have made a huge impact in my life, huger than you know.
xoxo
