From the moment you heard that cry or saw that face and melted inside, to the moment 5 minutes ago when you wanted to run screaming, A LOT has changed. You've change. They've changed. Your marriage has changed. Your bank account has dwindled, I mean, changed. Your tired level has gone so far off the charts "changed" isn't even an appropriate word to describe the evolution that has taken place. Everything has changed!
You brought the baby to your house. You held her. You cried tears of joy. And then she cried. So you hushed her gently while ever so slightly bouncing her up and down. The wails became louder. You got up, started walking around. You sang a song. You offered her some milk. You sat back down. She refused the food and screamed louder. You rubbed her back, you rubbed her tummy, you started praying. You offered her your fortune in life. You promised her you'd never refuse her anything in life if she would JUST STOP CRYING!!!!
"You'll miss it when she's grown". "Enjoy the moment, good and bad, because one day the bad won't seem so bad and the good will seem better!". "You should be thankful for every moment".
We've all heard these and more and at first we shook our heads and thought, "you know, I really SHOULD be enjoying these crying moments, she won't always be this small and cry without telling me why or what she needs. I should be a better mom and be more in tune with my baby so I can know her every need before she even indicates she's uncomfortable!". We're so gung-ho about this mommyhood life that we put these crazy expectations on ourselves. And we're bound to fail. But, you know, we have to enjoy every moment. That other lady told me so!
Except, you don't. You don't enjoy the panic that creeps up inside you when you can't get your baby to stop crying. You don't enjoy being awake 22 out of the 24 hours in the day. You don't enjoy the dirty house. You don't enjoy never having a moment to shower. You don't enjoy the poop up the back, the poop out the side, the poop down the leg. The poop!
And then they grow and new hard days come. The attitudes. The hands on the hip, "I don't think so mommy" look in the eyes, "NO!". The fingers under the bathroom door and the wails, if heaven forbid, you LOCK it. You know, to poop! The eye rolls. The screaming. The crying. The tattling. And that strange obsession your 7 year old has with pursing his lips and talking....oh maybe that's just me.
Moving on...
You're just not enjoying it. But why?! You're supposed to be! One day you're going to wake up at 5:30am in tears because you aren't being awakened by littles. Right? Right?! RIGHT?!!!!!!
I don't know about you, but I know I will NEVER be awake at 5:30 crying about not being woken up. Because 5:30 is the middle of the night, and I'm normal. And normal people sleep in the middle of the night. I'm also never going to miss my son tattling on his little sister 80 times a day.
Yes, I'm going to miss the snuggles and the kisses. The "I love you, mommy" moments. The "will you hold me?" times. I'm going to miss holding that sleeping baby and seeing that smile (or gas, as they say) spread across his face (who am I kidding, I already miss that!). I'll miss the pictures they draw for me, I'll miss the look in their eye when they figure something out that they've been curious about for a while. The silly stories, the laughter, the tickling.
There will be plenty I will miss. But listen momma....don't pressure yourself to love the hard moments. They're hard. And if any mom tries to tell you they didn't want to run away and leave their crying baby behind, because it was 4am and you've been awakened every 30 minutes since 10pm, they're big fat liars! If anyone tells you they never cried and wanted to give up because their nipples were actually literally cracked and bleeding but they still had to have the life sucked out of them for 25 minutes, they are not telling the truth. And if ANYONE tells you they didn't want to give their children away to the lowest bidder whenever they rolled their eyes at them, THEY. ARE. LYING!
Enjoy the good moments and survive the bad ones with as much dignity and love that you can muster.
And the next time someone says a cliché, catch-all saying to you...just smile and nod and know that they are liars.
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