I've debated this in my head for weeks, I've gone back and forth, I've outlined it, started writing it and stopped several times, but today I was sent over the edge and I need to say my piece (or peace)!!! I started the day reading a ridiculous article about this topic and ended it reading the personal story of my sister's coworker, that faced blatant racism in my very own town. I've been told I'm too outspoken on this topic and that I should give people "the benefit of the doubt", but I'm done. I'm done sitting on the sidelines allowing people to think they're being loving when actually they're spreading nothing but hurt and frustration.
Almost 10 years ago I married a black man. I am white. This makes me no expert on racial matters and I don't claim to be. I don't think I understand the struggles black people face in today's society. I can't understand the struggles black people face in today's society. And that breaks my heart, because 7 years ago I gave birth to a very tiny half black baby boy and my life was changed forever. 18 months after that day, I gave birth to another half black baby boy and 16 months later, their beautiful half black baby sister came along. And so here we are, black man, white woman and three of the most precious, gorgeous half back half white children you'll ever see, living happily ever after.
We've endured people peering into our car at a stop light. We've put up with stares at restaurants. I've had people ask to touch my children's hair, or just loudly comment on how crazy it looks. My husband and I have hardly ever NOT been asked if we're on the same check when it comes to paying for our food at a restaurant. I've been asked if they're all "mine" or if I'm the nanny. I've been treated poorly when using WIC checks to get formula and treated REALLY poorly when using WIC checks to get formula with my child in the cart. We were casually told people left our church when our pastor allowed us to get married there. I've been asked if all of my children had the same last name and then if their name was my last name while registering them for a church function. And the list goes on...
You might say these are all coincidence, and maybe some of them are, but I ask you to rack your brain and come up with a list of incidences like the above and see how many you can come up with. I can almost guarantee, if you consist of an all white family, it will be considerably less. And if you're an all black family, my list might pale in comparison to yours.
Hey listen, I get it. ALL LIVES MATTER. I agree, they do. I get it, you're poor and have no privilege in life. I understand! I get it, you've been pulled over for seemingly no reason, too. I GET IT. But listen, that doesn't change anything!!! It doesn't change the FACT that racism exists and it rears its ugly head all too often. It doesn't change the reality that the police get called because a dark skinned man is sitting in a car outside his friends house waiting for them to come home. It doesn't change the truth that in rural Missouri, a black satellite installation technician is consistently scored low on customer satisfaction surveys when he is consistently scored high while working in urban markets.
Maybe you just don't understand, and that is okay, because you can't understand! Because whether you like it or not, you're white and therefore automatically "privileged" to never have to encounter certain situations. It's not your fault that you were born white, no one is blaming you for your circumstance of birth. It's not even your fault you were born with this privilege. What IS your fault is your failure to even try to understand this current situation. It is your fault if you cannot admit there is a problem that needs to be fixed. It is your fault if your response to this type of conversation is anger and/or defensiveness.
Now back to my babies. Something HAS to change. Because I don't want them to grow up in this!!!!! I can't handle thinking about them ever being hurt by ignorant words because of the skin color they didn't choose to be born with. I don't want to have to tell them to be extra careful or more respectful to people in charge, just because they might be harder on them, or see them as a threat (I will teach them to be respectful, but I mean EXTRA respectful). They shouldn't have to deal with prejudice and hatred. Just like your kids shouldn't, neither should mine!
Listen, my babies lives MATTER!!!!! Be the change in the world so that one day, when they're older, these conversations aren't needed. Don't trivialize their lives with memes and hatred. Don't turn your head and say everything is fine and I'm imagining things. Don't put your dukes up ready for a fight. Realize that you don't have all the answers. Educate yourself. Ask others to educate you.
Because these lives matter!!!!
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